


Transfixed

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: Drug Addiction, F/M, Reader-Insert, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:05:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Transfixed

“Spence?” Walking into the apartment felt like walking into a mausoleum - barely lit, stale, quiet save for the occasional creaking that sent shivers up your spine. It felt wrong. Spencer’s apartment was always on the darker side, but it was warm and inviting, never without the smell of musty old books and freshly-brewed tea.

Since joining the BAU four years earlier, you’d set foot in Spencer’s apartment more times than you could count, but this time it felt different. You knew that the cases were getting to him a lot lately, especially this last one, but your heart beat frantically in your chest as you rounded corner after corner wondering what you might find. “Spence?” Again, you got no answer. Each step was a step further into uncertainty; it was bringing tears to your eyes.

When you gently slipped open the door to his bedroom, you felt simultaneous relief and heartbreak. Your mind had gone to the worst possibly thought - that maybe he’d tried to do something to himself and succeeded. He was sitting upright on the bed staring down blankly at his nightside table. 

On the dark and dingy wood, scuffed and marred by years of spilled drinks, and fingernails desperately searching for the snooze button, stood a small bottle of some kind of clear liquid. At first, you couldn’t figure out what it was, but when you looked between him and the bottle, his gaze so stark and transfixed it scared you, you knew what it was. He told you about those few short years after he started at the Bureau - what happened in Atlanta. 

Kneeling down, you placed your hand on his knees. “Spence, it’s not worth it. You’re not alone. You don’t need to do this.” As soon as you started at the Bureau, Spencer became your best friend; he was the one you could always come to for comfort, and he felt the same way about you. He’d texted you to ask you to come over. He didn’t want to do this; he wanted someone, you, to talk him out of it. “Spence, look at me.”

The tap of the knee turned him toward you finally. It was as if he had just allowed himself to blink, realizing that someone was here. “I wasn’t here when this happened before, but I’m here now. You don’t need that. You’re not alone.”

“Can you take it away from me?” Because of his seeming vacancy, you’d expected his voice to be low and meek, but he wasn’t; he was very sure of what he was asking. “I don’t trust myself.”

You bit your bottom lip and choked back the tears. He needed you to be strong right now, so you did your best. “Is there any more? Don’t hold back. If there’s any more anywhere in the apartment, let me know so that I can take it away.”

Spencer swallowed hard and stood up, waiting for you to grab the bottle already in view before walking to the bathroom cabinet and revealing a bottle, and the kitchen cabinet, to reveal one more. “That’s it,” he said, his eyes downcast toward the floor, ashamed. “That’s all of them, I swear.”

“Look directly at me and say it again.”

“That’s all of it. I swear.”

More than anyone else you knew, you could tell when Spencer was lying, and he wasn’t. “I believe you. What do you need me to do?” Under normal circumstances, there was nothing you wouldn’t do for Spencer, so right now, there was truly nowhere you wouldn’t go and nothing you wouldn’t do to make him feel better.

“Can you just stay with me for a while?” He hated showing his vulnerability, but he would with you.

You placed the three bottles of dilaudid into your bag and grabbed his hand, leading him to the couch where you sat in the corner and motioned for him to join you. In just a few swift movements, he laid down across the remainder of the couch and placed his head in your lap. “Just take deep breaths,” you said. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

As he took his first deep breath, you ran your hands through his hair, massaging his scalp to try and help him to relax. At first, it wasn’t working - through closed eyelids, you could see his eyes filling with tears. “It’s okay, Spence.”

“It’s not,” he said instantly. “It’s not okay. I thought I was stronger than this.”

“Spence, you called me to tell you not to do this. Not only did you leave yourself vulnerable to me, you didn’t actually do it - that takes strength.” Heated tears slipped down your cheeks. You were doing your best to stay strong for him, but seeing him in so much pain - hearing the despair in each crack of his voice - was ripping you apart. “That takes so much strength. Please give yourself credit.”

He seemed to take your words to heart, because he broke out into a fit of silent tears. You let him cry. His tears slowly but surely slipped out your jeans, soaking the material through and through, until about 20 minutes later when he stopped. Sitting up, he took a deep breath. “Thank you for coming over.”

“Anytime, Spence. Seriously. Do you want some tea?”

He nodded; tea would probably do him some good right now. After putting on a pot, you sat back at his side. “You’re never alone. Please remember that.”

“I know,” he replied, his lips turning upward into the smallest of smiles. “That’s why I texted you.”

Nearly an hour went by in silence while you both drank your tea. After washing dishes for him, you turned to leave, stopping in your tracks when he said your name. “Y/N…thank you again.”

Turning around, you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in, a few silent tears of your own making their way onto his shirt. When you tilted your head upward to tell him again that he never had to do this alone, some unknown force made you lean in to brush your lips against his. Spencer moaned just slightly into your mouth, bringing his hands to the sides of your head and taking your mouth in a desperate kiss. He gathered you close to him by the small of your back and brought you back inside, kicking the door closed.

When he pinned you up against the wall to lock it, you pulled your mouth from his. “Are you sure, Spence? I am more than okay with doing this, but only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” he whispered. 

With his okay, you wrapped your legs tighter around his waist and started to unbutton his shit as he ran his lips up the length of your neck, gently licking and kissing along the way and bringing goosebumps to your skin. His left handed glided up the side of your neck to tangle itself in your hair before you moved his arms to push the shirt off his shoulders. The delicate muscles of his shoulders rippled as he hoisted you into a more comfortable position and briskly walked you back toward his bedroom where you’d found him earlier. 

Before laying you down, he pulled your shirt up over your head and kissed between the valley of your breasts, seemingly drowning himself in you. As your heated skin came into contact with cool sheets, you reached behind your back to undo your bra, throwing it out of your line of sight. 

All trace of tears had disappeared. Now his eyes reflected a deep-seeded need. He came to hover over you, his tongue parting your lips as his hand slipped into your panties, feeling the wetness that had accumulated there. Of course there was time for foreplay, but you were both beyond that right now. 

If you wanted him as badly as you did, you couldn’t imagine how Spencer felt. Open mouthed kisses traveled down your torso as he removed your jeans and panties; his mouth slipped over your sex and made you even more desperate for skin on skin contact.

After removing his own pants and briefs, he returned to the bed and lifted your leg around his waist. “Are you sure, Spence?” You asked him one more time. Last thing you wanted was for him to regret this in the morning because he was in a vulnerable place. Even completely naked, if he wasn’t comfortable with this, you’d get up and leave and try to pretend things had never come this far.

“I’m positive,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion as he placed himself at your entrance and slid inside. Your sex enveloped him immediately and you cried out into his neck, your hands tangled in his hair again. Spencer whimpered into your mouth as he thrusted in and out of you, seeking relief from the thoughts running around his brain - the ones that had brought you here to begin with. 

As he pumped in and out of you, you grasped at his back, nails raking against taut muscles as his teeth gently bit down on your neck. “Oh, fuck…Spence…oh my god. Please.”

He responded in kind, increasing his pace as he moaned into your mouth. You cried out again and took control, pushing against him so you could turn him over and have him underneath you. Once in position, you laid flush against him and moved your hips in figure eights, grinding your sex down onto him with the practiced expertise of a dancer. “Fuck, Y/N…I’m gonna…I-I…”

“It’s okay,” you whispered, swallowing his guttural groan as he arched underneath you and dug his fingers into your hips. “Come for me, Spence.” You followed closely behind, shaking with the force of your release.

Falling to the side, you let your hand rest on his chest while he caught his breath. “Do you want me to go?” You asked. He hadn’t said anything, and if he was regretting this, you needed to leave as soon as possible. 

“No.” He said it instantly and forcefully, almost scared that you wanted to leave. “I want you to stay. I r-really want you to stay.”

“Okay, good,” you whispered, pressing your lips against his. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom and I’ll be right back.” You didn’t expressly state it, but Spencer knew what you were doing. You flushed the dilaudid down the toilet and cleaned yourself up before returning to him. When you slipped underneath the blankets, he gathered you close to him and placed a kiss in the crook of your neck. “You’re not alone, Spence,” you said again, your eyes drifting close, both emotionally and physically exhausted. “You’re never alone.”

As slep overtook you both, his hand gave yours a gentle squeeze. He made it through the day. Tomorrow was a new journey.


End file.
